First and Last

November 12, 2008

Closer to my heart, all over but never part, I lost you, Will I ever have you back - For your Love by Offer Nissm

Closer to my heart, all over but never part, I lost you, Will I ever have you back - "For your Love" by Offer Nissm

I awoke when he got into bed with me. He mumbled an explanation about seeing our friend just like he said he would before he left earlier that night, I didn’t bother to ask for details. Just like he always did he laid on his side of the bed with his back facing me and our feet tangled together. It was cold that night and noticing his shirtless back i raised the blanket to cover it. Without warning his hands found its way inside my boxers and grabbed a hold of my sleeping member. Thats the way he initiates sex. I wasn’t really feeling up to it that night tired from one whole day of trying to find a new apartment for him to move into but our relationship was on the rocks. I knew that moments like this were few and precious. So I obliged. He suddenly turned and gave me deep hungry kisses. Thats when I knew something was different. He never kissed me that way before. It was always gentle and loving. The way his mouth was pressed against mine it was like he was trying to suck the soul out of me. I ignored the thought and kissed back and felt him guiding me to his chest. I remember him telling me before when we were just starting to see each other that he likes the way I do foreplay comparing me to his then boyfriend who never did it for him. Just as I’ve always done I showered him with kisses until my mouth found its way to his navel and lower and lower until I raised his legs to let my tongue travel inside him. I looked up to see how I was doing. Then i saw him to discover that his hands were not on me, instead they were on a pillow covering his face. Thats when I knew, I was alone that night.

If it were porn and someone was watching us for the first time they would say that he was just enjoying it too much that he has to grab on to something and even had to put a pillow on his face to muffle screams of ecstasy. I tried to convince myself of that. But the whole time his hands wouldn’t reach out for me, wouldn’t allow me to shake the thought off my head. I tried to think that maybe it was just one of those times, maybe he was having a Delilah (as in Lilah-dee) moment or maybe its just my turn to be the active top tonight and him the passive bottom. I became so distracted that I wasn’t even able to will myself to get inside him. Finally we just decided to finish it with our own hands with him asking me to get on top of him. We were finally face to face but the room was pitch black that I couldn’t even see his eyes as I was trying to find reassurance that I was just being paranoid. When he came he gave me the same kiss once again. It was like kissing a stranger. I freed myself from his lips when it was my turn and buried my face on the pillow where his head rests. That time orgasm wasn’t the fruition of joy rather a relief from torture.

We didn’t shower together afterwards but then again we never do. But when I got back from washing up I did something for the first time myself, I slept with my back turned on him. That was the last time we ever slept together.

offer nissim-for your love – offer nissin


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