November 25, 2008

(this is a repost from my old blogsite dated 1/10/2007)

she likes to suck

she likes to suck

His kisses were intense, not in a passionate way, it felt more like hunger. there was force and animal like frenzy but no warmth behind it. you can imagine a vampire cold as death itself trying to suck out the life force from his victim in a vain attempt to immitate what real passion would look like, while this “just turned 30” year old guy was almost devouring the lower part of my face. but if he were a vampire he certainly picked the wrong victim.

Actually he also “just turned 30” two years ago. that was the first time we met. At that time, i was still naive and generally clueless about most things. that time there was still youth to be sucked out from me. i guess he didn’t recognize me anymore. i changed alot since then. but if theres one thing that remains the same about me, its that i never forget a face. especially if that face belongs to a guy who i told right in his face that he looked like my dad. well looking at him as his face was dimly lit by the incadescent lighting he uses in his pad which i suspect he uses to hide the seven signs of skin aging (nag oil of olay na lang sana siya) he still looks like my dad.

My mind must have been playing tricks on me because he was a lot better in my memories than he was during that time. Him being a scorpio and all. I was kinda expecting more. But now I’m seeing him like I didn’t see him before. From the lighting that he uses to mask how he really looks like to the way he ravages you all over your body like hyennas would over the carcass of a fallen prey to hide the fact that he doesn’t know how to make love at all because it felt like he was trying to chew off my lips and why he would hold you down or turn your attention elsewhere because he couldn’t really get it up for too long. I didn’t really feel any animosity towards him even after what he did to me over two years ago. Infact I was kind of sad for him. Especially because he’s still using his pictures back when he was 25 years old to pick up guys over the internet.

No he didn’t break my heart or anything like that. I was naive at the time but i wasn’t stupid. I didn’t buy into any of those things he was saying before. But i must admit there was a glint of hope behind there somewhere. A hope that what if there was the slightest possibility that he wasn’t just spewing off bs. And thats what he used before to lure me in. And my reason for being there now? Just plain curiosity. Curious if he was going to recognize me. Curious if he was gonna do the same tricks he did before, recite the same tired old lines. He did attempt though but when he saw my indifference and found out that his carefully mastered verses has fallen to deaf ears he surrendered and just took it as it is. that this time around he had a willing participant who knew what was happening exactly as it is and has no dillusions otherwise.

Before I came up to his pad I noticed a name of a guy who also went to his place a day before on the guest log book. I was wondering if the name was the same age as I was when i first went there. But I certainly wasn’t the same guy who went up there 2 years ago. I guess I already lost that glint of hope that struggles to flicker in the dark no matter how shitty things were. that very same hope that gives you faith in people and makes you trust them.

It’s funny when things come into full circle like this. You get to see things from a different perspective. But the catch is, you’re not quite sure if you’re worse or better off. Am i lucky now that i can no longer be fooled by the deception the vampires play? Or am i unfortunate because I have lost a piece of my innocence that which might be the thing that the vampire desires to regain as he consumes his victims? Am i to become one of them? walking the earth longing to regain that which i have lost through my unsuspecting victims with deception and lies.

When I got off his car he said something about keeping in touch. I said “yeah sure” without even trying to sound like i mean it. and walked away.


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